The Strange Case of Bella Swan
by AuthoressisMightierthanDemigod
Summary: In which I cure Bella Swan of her Mary-Sueness and she develops a strange fetish for "Friends" ONE-SHOT! I APOLOGIZE FOR TYPOS, FANFICTION did it, idk how to fix it


**Ok! New Story! **

**Fang: *Yawn* May I ask why? **

**Me: No, you may not. And why are you yawning! It's 2'o clock! **

**Fang: Might as well be 2 in the morning.**

**Me: Lazy butt.**

**Fang: M-hmm…..**

**Me: *Eye-roll* Anyways, this is just a random one shot about Twilight…**

**Fang: And since she's pretty much incapable of doing something serious, it's weird. **

**Me: You betcha. **

**Running out of ways to say disclaimer: I own nothing, again. And really, if _I_ was Stephanie Meyer, I would notbe wasting my time on FF.**

_~Bella Pov~_

_So,__this__is__what__pure__torture__feels__like._I thought, lying on my bed, completely spread eagle.

_Oh, Edward, why, oh, why did you leave for the weekend? Oh, sob, sob!_

Suddenly, a very strange looking girl walked in. Sure, she was normal enough, _appearance_wise. But what she was wearing? Alice would have fit. She was wearing a long black cloak, like what you see at Walmart in the Halloween section.

"Bella," she said, throwing the hood of her cloak down, revealing long brown hair and green eyes staring at me from a tan face.

"Would you quit being such gosh-darn Mary-sue? Literally, the fly over here, I could hear you, like, _sobbing._ I mean, my mom loves my dad, but when he goes for work, she's not all 'Bob! Don't leavvveee meeee! I looooovvvveee you!' It's pathetic. I mean, you were way cooler before you fell in love with everyone's…_coughfavoritenotcough_vampy."

She perched on the edge of my bed, and I scooted away, curling up in a small ball.

"Um, who are you…?"

"I'm Autho, international (or at least to Fanfiction) Mary-Sue buster and author, as well as administrator to several forums. Also, I'm the goddess of Slim Jims.

"Ummm…. Ok then… I guess you know my name."

"Oh, of course. I know every Mary-sue by name"

"A… Mary-sue? What's that? I don't think I am one."

"Yes, dear Bella, you are." She then proceeded to pull out a clipboard with a single sheet paper on it.

"Take a look at this." She handed me the clipboard.

_To be a Mary-Sue the character must have at least 3 of the following traits:_

_-Must have beauty, even if they do not recognize it_

_-Must have everyone love them_

_-Must be battling with some type of conflict_

_-Must be emotional_

_-Must be angsty at one point or another_

"See," she said "You have four traits. You're angsty-"

"Am not!"

"You have beauty, even though you repeatedly tell us you're "plain".

And you're most definitely battling a conflict."

"What? No, I'm not…"

"And don't even get me _started_on emotional. The whole fly here, you were sobbing. And I came from the south! I could _hear_you, crying for your Gary-Stu!"

"What? He's not my… Gary-Stu..?"

"Ok, keep living in your dream world. Now I need you to relax, and for the love of God, _quit__thinking__about__Edward!_"

"How can I?" I cried "I love him!"

"Yeah, it's possible. Think about… Charlie!"

I tried my best, I really did. But-but he's _EDWARD!_ How could I? Finally though, for a moment I was hungry, and I thought about Angelo's pizza.

Then I felt a strange sensation, and I fell fast asleep.

I woke up, _not_thinking about Edward, for once.

I felt… weird. I no longer yearned for him to return, I was fine.

Strange…

_Autho pov~_

Bella awoke, and for once she didn't start sobbing, or thinking about Edward. She just went down-stairs for some cereal.

I followed her carefully, scribbling notes every now and again. Had I really just cured her of her Mary-Sueness?

"Bella," I said cautiously, "A penny for your thoughts?"

"Well," she began, swallowing another bite of Cocoa Krispies, "I'm thinking this cereal rocks."

"Not about… Edward?"

"Edward? No, he escaped my mind actually…"

I blinked. Woah. Did she really just say… he… _escaped__her__mind?_

_Did__Isabella__Swan__really__just__say__that_Edward Cullen_escaped__her__mind?_

"Oh," I said simply.

_Later, when Edward returns….._

_~Bella POV~ _

A slight knock on the door raised me from my comfy position on the couch. I opened the door to reveal Edward, smiling.

"Oh, hey." I said, starting back to my position on the couch.

"What, no hug? No 'I missed you!'?"

"Oh." I got up and hugged him and, without enthusiasm, said "I missed you."

He looked thoughtful. I turned _Friends_back on.

**Me: Ok, so there you have it, the epically lame story of me curing Bella from her Mary-Sueness!**

**Fang: I didn't even get mentioned **

**Me: Well, sorry mister Diva!**

**Fang: -.- Whatever….**

**RR?**


End file.
